Engineer Shaking Up Business Car

Last Tuesday night began about as chaotically as any other at Brushclump Yard. The crew of the Mesquite Belt checked their train (operating) orders and shotshells and stowed the night's groceries on their caboose.

Hale Redman put a notice on the yard office bulleting board trying to find a good home for a giveaway dog: "Free to good home. Large dog, part Dalmatian? Good at lying on porch, digging holes in yard and killing chickens. Will deliver."

A well battered used VW bug advertised for a very good price (what's wrong with it?) in the Brushclump Daily Leghorn was acquired jointly by Floyd Geech and Jefferson Yelldale. The latter, a backyard VW mechanic, needed the fenders for a restoration job and Geech used the body for a chicken coop.

Engineer Faherty O'Possum read his outbound train orders for the southbound mixed freight #432 and was rudely surprised to find that the company business car was hitching a ride. That conveyance, a 1950's vintage office car would be coupled to the rear of the 432's caboose. Everyone would have to be on their best behavior and at least attempt to look familiar with operating rules. Why this overpolished executive hack was being hauled down to Stumpjump, the 432 crew neither knew nor cared.

The fact that Faherty knew that every little wiggle would be scrutinized by the on board officials did nothing for his mood.

#432 departed on time with 90 odd freight cars and the business car. Your average conductor and rear brakeman pay little attention to the regular bumps and jolts of a caboose unless it's really excessive and knocks a drowsy conductor out of the cupola or sticks the brakeman's head into the stove.

Officials however, even ones who worked their way up through the ranks, tend to nitpick about things they don't have much experience with any more. It generally doesn't occur to them to consider what it does to the train handling to couple up a 110 ton passenger car with powerful brakes to the very tail end of a long mixed freight.

After the by now ill tempered engineer O'Possum shook a few people awake and caused a few white hats to throw their coffee over their shoulders with deliberate rough train handling, one of the Assistant Trainmasters took action.

Using the on board short wave radio, Engr. O'Possum was informed that, "If you can't handle a train any smoother than this, we'll find someone else who can!"

"Whatever you say, Bub," O'Possum thought to himself.

At the next highway crossing over the tracks, an automobile ran between the crossing guards to beat the train.

Our boy on the engine quickly applied the engine brakes only, even though the auto sped away, and caused a sudden and severe run in of slack in the couplers. With 90 cars, it was pretty rough by the time it got back to the rear end.

With an uncanny sense of timing, Faherty had caught the suits in the middle of breakfast in the car's diner. Chairs overturned and food flew.

While some of the officials picked up rubble, Division Superintendent Bumble and local Trainmaster Schirtstuffen rushed to the radio compartment to have some words with the engineer. Conductor Vine had unfortunately been just entering the business car when he was thrown down the corridor by the slack run in.

Picking himself up just as the two bigwigs arrived at the radio set, B.O. gagged, pointed at the Supt's chest and fell on the floor in hysterics. When firmly asked just what the Hell was so funny, he only cracked up again and pulled at his own shirt front and once more pointed to his by now enfuriated superior.

At this moment the Trainmaster (with a gravy imprint of his breakfast on his own shirt) scowled disgustedly and directed Supt. Bumble's attention to the pork chop in his shirt pocket.

At the next station, the 432 was allowed to continue their trip without the presence of the business car.